praying for tutus and pointe shoes

image from https://s3.amazonaws.com/feather-client-files-aviary-prod-us-east-1/2017-04-05/473de717-5d81-4b8b-9025-cd45632f5b05.png
Three years ago my dance career took an abrupt turn. One that was hard but for which I am so grateful. Refining (technique and my heart). Surrender. A reminder that it's all about the bigger story.

About a year and a half ago, I started praying to wear tutus and pointe shoes again. It seemed frivolous but not without reason. A few months later @mastersue invited me to be part of the inaugural season of Ballet Southeast

And here I am today about to debut a principal role in a classical ballet. Humbled. Honored. In awe.

When we delight, His dreams become our dreams. Steadfast. Faithful. He listens. He sees the patient perseverance and purposes our moments. There's no magic formula–and if not, He is still good. But today, dreams are coming true and I'm gonna dance my heart out in gratitude.  image from https://s3.amazonaws.com/feather-client-files-aviary-prod-us-east-1/2017-04-05/15b6230e-c1d6-4519-9f0b-858d9c471fc2.png

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies ~Ps. 25:10 

 

image from https://s3.amazonaws.com/feather-client-files-aviary-prod-us-east-1/2017-04-05/b8596683-24eb-4992-ba88-44d794ba6d11.png

Things I learned in 2016

IMG_2144

 

SAVOR: slowing down mentally to appreciate and enjoy the details of the moment. 

2016 was a year of more confidence in Jesus, new friendships and the deepening of others, the beginning of a journey with the Passion Global Institute, the marriages of dear friends + more. 

A few takeaways:

  • I love classical ballet. (Going to perform Swanhilda for Ballet Southeast on January 28th. Eeee! Tix here)
  • the path to a dream fulfilled is paved with mundane tasks and traversed in consistent + excellent baby steps
  • Jesus consistently prepares our hearts and sets up the circumstances for us to take the next step.
  • Weddings are bittersweet but mostly sweet
  • Politics is not worth losing a friendship over. Peaceful actions of love speak louder than arguments.
  • Leadership styles need to be adaptable. 

Grateful for His faithfulness and the changing of seasons. Praying fearless trust and adventurous faith over 2017. Let's go!

steadfast pt. 2/things I learned in 2015

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul. A hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil. ~Heb. 6:19 

I began 2015 pretty distracted. My thoughts were not focused where they needed to be and that was manifesting itself in my actions and decision making processes. Thus, I chose STEADFAST as my word of the year. It’s been a beautiful journey how Jesus has answered this prayer almost word for word.

A few observations: 

  • I can only stand firm through the strength He gives and He is faithful to give it. In choosing to be steadfast, I realize how unwavering He really is. 
  • Steadfastness builds trust — both ways (God <—> Me / Me <—> Others).
  • Steadfast is about choosing to believe/stand for/chase after Truth; and in that Truth is freedom
    -to love big and without expectations
    -to be a better leader by meeting people where they are
    -to find peace in being patient
    -to be comfortable and unapologetic in my identity
    -to chase the dreams He’s planted within me

Thank you, Jesus, for being steadfast that we might be steadfast. Thank you for building an unwavering trust one decision and circumstance at a time. Thank you for teaching us to find freedom in rooting ourselves in you. You are worthy of glory, our Rock and Anchor. 

 

the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness ~Ps. 25:10

a voyage of discovery

Alligators at the canal

 

"The ragamuffin who sees his life as a voyage of discovery and runs the risk of failure has a better feel for faithfulness than the timid man who hides behind the law and never finds out who he is at all" 
                                                        ~Brennan Manning

Jesus, make us joyfully + courageously faithful in our life adventure. May the outcome of growth outweigh the risk of being disobedient to You. Make us not safe but brave. And if we fail, may it be grace{fully} into your arms. May a sold-out heart be more important than a sold-out crowd. And may our lives be marked by a beautiful trust in the One who holds the whole world in His hands. 

moments planned in eternity

I think we were all a little nervous that day. As we climbed into the 15 passenger van at John and Aimee’s house, there was a serious tone beneath our smiles and laughs. The van turned down a dirt road and the tension tightened. Before we got out of the van, John encouraged us to just love them. We prayed and waited for permission to enter the huge chain-link gates.  

Beige, beige, beige. Beige walls, beige tile, beige uniforms on the guards — one of the things I noticed as the woman copied my passport at a desk on the portico to the main entrance. We walked down a dimly lit hallway to the room for our meeting. A huge cork board displayed photos of some previous activities. It’s bright multi-colored border and the red window tapestries were a welcome relief to the beige. 

Moments planned in eternity  

We pulled out folding chairs and arranged them in a semi-circle facing the couch. In front of us sat 4 girls dressed in baby pink t-shirts and navy blue athletic shorts. Four precious souls. 

We started out introducing ourselves. How old we were, our favorite colors, etc. We shared our favorite foods—arroz con pollo (chicken with rice), helado (ice cream), shrimp, chocolate. 

We danced 3 pieces and shared the stories behind them. Stories about not having to be perfect. Stories about family. Stories about community and encouraging one another. 

The atmosphere relaxed a little more. “Why do your bones crack when you dance?” one asked. We chuckled and said we didn’t even notice they were cracking. We asked what their passions were—Soccer, crafts, helping other people. They told us about their families and little sisters. They asked why we danced and we told a little bit of our stories. 

We asked them to teach us something and an impromptu salsa dancing lesson ensued. I’m not sure if there were more hip wiggles or giggles. We sat back down. 

  Moments planned in eternity

    "What do you think about your first time visiting a prison?" They asked. 

    “I can’t help but think that all of this was planned in eternity before any of us were born” I said with Lucyann translating. Jesus saw it all before we did, from the Fresca and Ritz Bitz to the different headbands we wore that day. 

    “…and all of our life adventures have led us to this room together…” I think about the people who had pioneered and gone before. Aimee and Lucyann paving a path of consistency and building trust. The new director being gracious enough to let us visit. Jesus Himself.

    ”…I’m really honored to be here”

Moments planned in eternity

We told our redemption stories. Of Jesus's relentless love. The nitty gritty, broken but beautiful details. Our mess ups, our pride, our downfalls. Love. Unexplainable. Never ending. Surprising. Relentless love. There were tears. We were honest. Hearts tender to the Holy Spirit emboldened by the freedom of vulnerability.  

3pm rolled around and the guards got antsy. It was time to go. As I walked down that beige hallway, one of the girls chased me down to hand me a tiny slip of paper. Josue 1:9 was written in lime green ink. It was one of the first verses I ever memorized. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not tremble or be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. A sweet reminder.

I left the prison that day in awe. Dance is a beautiful gift and I never imagined it would open doors like this. Life is an adventure and for as long as we’re confined to these earthly bodies, eternity culminates in the present moment. May we courageously steward these moments well. 

Skater dudes and raindrops

Lucyann got the permit. We could use the area from 4-7pm. We had scheduled the presentation to start a 6. It was a huge concrete basin with a drain in the middle. Steps of varying dimensions formed the perimeter of the oval. I didn’t know it was supposed to be a skate park but it makes sense now. Last year, we just walked up, set up, and danced but this year, the sound of wheels on pavement, failed attempts at Ollies and “ooooh”s greeted us as we approached the area toting costumes, light and sound gear. Skaters were everywhere.

IMG_0462

Something cool splashed on my arm. Rain. Dark clouds started to gather. We knew it was a risk to do an outdoor presentation during the rainy season. A few more drops. I circled the girls up to pray. We prayed for the rain to hold off. We prayed for the skaters. We prayed for the hearts present at the Cinta Costera skate park.

Lucyann went to find park security to help clear the area. We did a brief run through of the choreo. No park security was to be found. What are we going to do? Those skaters look pretty tough. Besides that, who are we—the Americans—to be asking them to concede their turf for half an hour (even though we have government permission to be there)? Lucyann finally set up the sound equipment near the drain in the middle and made an announcement that there was going to be a dance presentation soon.

They cleared the area and went to sit down. We took our places and waited for the last few tech adjustments. “Hey sexy!”  It came from the group of skaters. It was probably good that we couldn’t understand half of what they were saying. Still, not the ideal place to be mentally for our team. We stuck together and a little bit of mama bear came out in all of us as we encouraged each other. I prayed for Jesus to protect our minds.

I noticed it stopped sprinkling and the clouds broke. My heart smiled.

IMG_0407 IMG_0409 IMG_0412

Annabelle’s hip hop piece, Lights On, kicked off the presentation. We finished, people clapped and we ran back to change shoes and lose the gangsta garb for Rachael’s piece, Intercession. The loud interjections from the skaters had stopped. I thought they’d probably get bored and leave. Daley’s piece, Heirs, with the skirts. They were still chattering pretty loudly though. Then Jessica’s piece, Esperanza. Sometime during Come As You Are, I noticed the skaters were still there. My dance became a prayer for the skaters. Ana Gabriela then gave a short shout out for Heart’s Cry and then we concluded with Known.

The skaters stayed the whole time. Renee, a woman we met at the B&B had come as well; she went over to hand them some flyers about our collaborative show the next weekend. We stuck around a little bit, our friends congratulated us, we packed up and left. Skaters filled the basin once again.

IMG_0307

I don’t know the stories behind the audience present at Cinta Costera on June 13th. I don’t know why the skaters stayed for our whole presentation nor am the one to be police of their motives. But I do know that the One who holds back the raindrops is the same One who loves the skater dudes despite their cat calls. May He continue to speak to the hearts at Cinta Costera.

from poverty to pent house

June 12, 2015—Today we visited Metro Amigo orphanage. Adjacent to the boys juvenile detention center, this government run facility was originally built to be a 72hr transition for children taken into custody of the state before finding a more permanent home.

Some kids have been there their whole lives. Caught in a limbo of uncertainty, temporary has become permanent.

I can barely imagine the thoughts. Feelings. Junk to sort through. Unanswered questions. Rejection? Pain? Happy memories? What ifs. Worry? Isolation and loneliness? 

Family (biologically at least) has become a figment of the imagination. 

  IMG_0275

Erica in her yellow shirt and braids on one side, holds my hand, her caramel skin caressing my milky white. Her friend in the pink shirt; embarrassed as I tried to teach her a simple grapevine. Sassy little Melanie, the most outgoing of the bunch teaching us boom-snap-clap. Maria who liked to shake her hips. The little boy in the green tank top who answered all my questions about the gospel story. Or the special needs boy who loved to direct us around and play copy cat. The one with the bright brown eyes that reminded Mommy of Joshua. Or the little guy not more than 4 or 5 who danced right out of his tiny crocs. Little Linda with her huge heart and sweet smile. Or the young teenage girl with the short hair, arms crossed and disinterested yet I caught her peeking curiously from behind the pillar. 

 These are a few of the souls known as the fatherless. Each soul has a story. I pray hope over these hearts. 

  IMG_0248

 

Hope produces patience.
That we might one day see our Redeemer and Comforter face to face.
That we might one day join a forever family. 
A reminder that this life is temporary. 

 

From Metro Amigo, we drove to the Trump Tower in Punta Pacifica to help a local ministry with a video shoot. We passed rows and rows of neon lit slot machines in the casino on the way to the elevator. As we danced on the balcony of a 64th floor pent house, the wealth gap was glaring. From an orphanage where the kids put all their shoes in a communal box and pulled out a matching pair the next day to excessive, expensive, flashy, wealth. From meeting kiddos who are the recipients of Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes to seeing chandeliers and sculptures whose worth could fill 100 shoeboxes. The stark contrast was sobering. 

  IMG_0325

 

We didn’t meet very many of the residents at Trump Ocean Club but I can imagine the stories are similar. Similar to those of the orphans, actually. 

Hearts that need hope. 
Hearts that need healing. 
Hearts longing for love and affection.

We’re all the same, really. Rich and poor. Young and old. Those who know their earthly parents and those who don’t. We all need Jesus. Without Him, our hearts are dead. 

One day, temporary will become permanent. 
Eternity.
And it won’t matter if we lived in poverty or a pent house. 

 

 ~~~

May Jesus be our only hope. Our saving grace. Our purpose here on Earth. May He unify us in His everlasting arms. May we not forget the least. May the Church rise up to be the family some never have and may we all use the resources we’ve been given to make the Name of Jesus known.

daily bread

Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: keep falsehood and lies from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread…~Pr. 30:7-8

Daily bread—He always gives it. But why is that such a scary prayer?

I want to be comfortable; I want a little extra “just in case.” Yet, when the Creator of the universe has planned every minute detail of my life and knows the outcome of every situation, there is no “in case.” What’s unknown to me is known to Him. 

The author goes on to say, …Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you, and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal and so dishonor the name of my God. ~Pr. 30:9

When I live in the gap between scarcity and abundance, I learn to trust. I learn that my strength is never enough and His grace is always sufficient. I get to see His goodness in the land of the living and tell of His greatness.

Between the lines of “am I going to have enough?” and “more than enough” is a grateful heart. One that recognizes where His sovereignty meets my shortcomings. 

It’s something I need to work on—finding peace and gratitude in the daily bread. 

 

Jesus, you are Provider. Give us the courage to pray for only our daily bread. Because you are enough. And when our hearts are steadfast on you, we lack nothing. Teach us to be gratefully content in trusting you. 

Life is fragile. Time is short.

On Tuesday a friend’s grandfather went in for triple bypass surgery. Another friend’s grandmother slipped into eternity while she took a nap. On Thursday a dear ballet teacher underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor.

Life is fragile. Time is short. 

These thoughts were crossing my mind as an ambulance passed through the intersection, siren blaring. I blinked back tears as I read Angels Neonatal Transport on the side. 

Life is fragile. Time is short.

I don’t realize this enough. Conviction grips my heart. I don’t want to these friends to spend eternity without Jesus. Yet how many times did I stay silent because “she’s entitled to her opinion”? How many times did I avoid asking the hard questions? How many times was I afraid of what he would think? 

Life is fragile. Time is short. 

“We always think we have more time that we do,” my friend says. True. Our days are numbered.  My days. Your days. These minutes of interaction are not unlimited. Yet how many times do I put a conversation off because “the time isn’t right”? 

Life is fragile. Time is short.

This Earth is not the end. In a twinkling our souls will not be bound by time and space. Perhaps living in the moment is realizing the urgency of eternity. Being attentive to the Moment Giver that we might tactfully yet boldly leverage these ticks of the second hand for His glory. Jesus, let it be so.