Category: Things I’m learning

I’ve been thinking about this advent season, a season of waiting, a season of expectation — and I think about how the Israelites waited 400 years. Four hundred years! Generations lived and died without seeing the fulfillment of His promises. And my season of waiting pales in comparison.

I think about how our generation can barely wait for a hot pocket to microwave and wonder how the Israelites kept going. Did they ever feel like giving up? 

Often, in our waiting, we try to find ways to fill the void of “not yet.” And in some ways that’s good. We have to prepare for what’s coming. Yet when the time between promise and fulfillment is filled with worry or busyness or tantrums, we miss the point.

The Enemy likes to use this box of time and space against us; reminding us of the ever increasing to-do list or how people have failed us time and time again. It’s easy to become cynical and callous; bitter almost. It’s easy to forget the promise. To become weary in the waiting. 

Yet, He is Hope itself. He is our Sustainer. He reminds us of the promise.

The fulfillment of that promise might not always look the way we expect — I wonder if anyone was thinking the King Savior would come as a baby during the tumult and craziness of a census. 

And if we’re not careful, we might miss it. If we’re so focused on planning and orchestrating how we think the promise should be fulfilled, we’ll always be discontent. Striving. Never satisfied. Never seeing the wonder.  

Yet, if our hearts are fixed on the author and perfecter of our faith, we’ll know this race is not in vain. Simeon and Anna saw it. They saw it because in the midst of their normal routines, their hearts were fixed on eternity. And from the Promise Maker's perspective of eternity, it's not a matter of "if" but "when." 

It happens because we don’t take these earthly moments for granted. When we know they are fleeting and meant for more, we see the wonder and are filled with awe. It happens because we take the time to be still in his presence. The patience to see a promise fulfilled is sustained by trust in the Promise Maker.

He never, ever, ever fails. He always comes through. 

May we not miss these miracles in mundane. 

 

Lord, fix our eyes on you and not what we think the fulfillment of your promises look like. Satisfy our souls and strengthen us with patience in the hope[full] moments of "not yet." Teach us to be still this advent season. 

 

I remain confident of this: that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. ~Psalm 27:13,14

Abide and Enjoy the fajita — I’ve had a sticky note on my dash with this reminder all summer. 

It’s a lesson I thought I had “learned” several years ago…

Being a typical goal-oriented, box-checking, achievement-driven, firstborn it’s natural for me to think in if/then scenarios. If I have all the right answers and do all the right things then I won’t have to question why or find myself in an undesirable situation…[riiiiiiight, if only, haha]

Back as a ballet student, I thought “if I try 110% in class, apply all my corrections, show up on time, have a pleasant attitude, learn the choreography quickly (both my part and someone else’s, hehe), don’t ever let them see me upset, never have holes in my tights etc, etc then I’ll get the casting or the promotion that I want” I learned quickly that it doesn’t work that way. All those ifs are good and desirable goals but it’s not a formula and the outcome isn’t contingent on whether I’ve checked all the boxes. 

Sometimes you just have to choose not to try to figure it out. 

Lately, I’ve found myself slipping into that mentality spiritually. If I learn this lesson, spend time daily with Jesus, pray a lot, tell others about Jesus, etc, etc  then I’ll be rewarded with blessing XYZ.

I don’t think I necessarily acted from this motivation but I noticed subconsciously my thoughts were filtering through it. I was getting frustrated because according to all the books/worldly advice/outward appearances, I was following the formula but not getting the desired results. 

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Rebekah — pride check. Who are you to think that you can manipulate God!? Again, all of those things are wonderfully desirable and amazing habits to have but my heart wasn’t in the right place. That’s not living under grace but under the law! 

A sweet reminder came while reading Brennan Manning’s Patched Together: 

“When you get to heaven, Little Friend,…Abba will not ask you how many prayers you said or how many souls you saved. No, he’ll ask, ‘Did you enjoy the fajita?’ He wants you to live with passion in the beauty of the moment, accepting and enjoying his gifts” 

How beautiful. The pressure is off! 

He’s simply asking me to enjoy the fajita. To cease striving and abide + rest in the Truth that HE is God. To find my true delight in HIM without expecting a “reward” of the desires of my fleshly heart. Scripture says the pure in heart will see God; HE is the Desire Giver and every good and perfect gift is from Him alone — it’s nothing that I’ve earned. HE is faithful to finish the work He starts and to fulfill the calls HE’s placed on my life. 

And when my heart attitude is one of gratefulness + grace, my actions are motivated by love rather than trying to earn love. It’s backwards and completely freeing. 

I want to live like that. 

Jesus, you are all we need, be all that we want. Forgive us for cheapening your grace down to formulas and checklists. Teach us to simply enjoy the fajita that your grace might flow through us from pure hearts. 

 

 

Photo: Yana Yarosevich

 

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
~‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:5-11‬

 

SAVOR: slowing down mentally to appreciate and enjoy the details of the moment. 

2016 was a year of more confidence in Jesus, new friendships and the deepening of others, the beginning of a journey with the Passion Global Institute, the marriages of dear friends + more. 

A few takeaways:

• I love classical ballet. (Going to perform Swanhilda for Ballet Southeast on January 28th. Eeee! Tix here)
• the path to a dream fulfilled is paved with mundane tasks and traversed in consistent + excellent baby steps
• Jesus consistently prepares our hearts and sets up the circumstances for us to take the next step.
• Weddings are bittersweet but mostly sweet
• Politics is not worth losing a friendship over. Peaceful actions of love speak louder than arguments.
• Leadership styles need to be adaptable. 

Grateful for His faithfulness and the changing of seasons. Praying fearless trust and adventurous faith over 2017. Let's go!

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul. A hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil. ~Heb. 6:19 

I began 2015 pretty distracted. My thoughts were not focused where they needed to be and that was manifesting itself in my actions and decision making processes. Thus, I chose STEADFAST as my word of the year. It’s been a beautiful journey how Jesus has answered this prayer almost word for word.

A few observations: 

• I can only stand firm through the strength He gives and He is faithful to give it. In choosing to be steadfast, I realize how unwavering He really is. 

• Steadfastness builds trust — both ways (God <—> Me / Me <—> Others).

• Steadfast is about choosing to believe/stand for/chase after Truth; and in that Truth is freedom
  -to love big and without expectations
  -to be a better leader by meeting people where they are
  -to find peace in being patient
  -to be comfortable and unapologetic in my identity
  -to chase the dreams He’s planted within me

Thank you, Jesus, for being steadfast that we might be steadfast. Thank you for building an unwavering trust one decision and circumstance at a time. Thank you for teaching us to find freedom in rooting ourselves in you. You are worthy of glory, our Rock and Anchor. 

 

the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness ~Ps. 25:10

Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: keep falsehood and lies from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread…~Pr. 30:7-8

Daily bread—He always gives it. But why is that such a scary prayer?

I want to be comfortable; I want a little extra “just in case.” Yet, when the Creator of the universe has planned every minute detail of my life and knows the outcome of every situation, there is no “in case.” What’s unknown to me is known to Him. 

The author goes on to say, …”Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you, and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal and so dishonor the name of my God. ~Pr. 30:9

When I live in the gap between scarcity and abundance, I learn to trust. I learn that my strength is never enough and His grace is always sufficient. I get to see His goodness in the land of the living and tell of His greatness.

Between the lines of “am I going to have enough?” and “more than enough” is a grateful heart. One that recognizes where His sovereignty meets my shortcomings. 

It’s something I need to work on—finding peace and gratitude in the daily bread. 

 

Jesus, you are Provider. Give us the courage to pray for only our daily bread. Because you are enough. And when our hearts are steadfast on you, we lack nothing. Teach us to be gratefully content in trusting you. 

On Tuesday a friend’s grandfather went in for triple bypass surgery. Another friend’s grandmother slipped into eternity while she took a nap. On Thursday a dear ballet teacher underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor.

Life is fragile. Time is short. 

These thoughts were crossing my mind as an ambulance passed through the intersection, siren blaring. I blinked back tears as I read Angels Neonatal Transport on the side. 

Life is fragile. Time is short.

I don’t realize this enough. Conviction grips my heart. I don’t want to these friends to spend eternity without Jesus. Yet how many times did I stay silent because “she’s entitled to her opinion”? How many times did I avoid asking the hard questions? How many times was I afraid of what he would think? 

Life is fragile. Time is short. 

“We always think we have more time that we do,” my friend says. True. Our days are numbered.  My days. Your days. These minutes of interaction are not unlimited. Yet how many times do I put a conversation off because “the time isn’t right”? 

Life is fragile. Time is short.

This Earth is not the end. In a twinkling our souls will not be bound by time and space. Perhaps living in the moment is realizing the urgency of eternity. Being attentive to the Moment Giver that we might tactfully yet boldly leverage these ticks of the second hand for His glory. Jesus, let it be so.   

Ice makes the trees sparkle and snap in nature’s percussive melody further north. Crews work to clear the roads and restore power. 

But here in the ATL — blue skies and sunny. Most of last night’s rain is dried up and traffic is moving nicely. For us, all the precautions seem like an overreaction because of last year.  

They made the calls this morning. No 9:45 class. No rehearsal. No evening classes to teach. My schedule today is suddenly empty. But I want to dance. I want to see my kiddos and work on their recital dances. Why did we have to cancel? 

And I realize this discontentment comes from a deeper place. The NEED to be doing something. The addiction to busy. I’m believing the lie that because my calendar is full and minutes organized into a neat little schedule that I’m being productive. 

And I think maybe I’m supposed to “do nothing” today. Maybe I need to stop and soak. To be {still} and know that HE is God. To rest; let my heart marinate in His word instead of settling for a microwaved faith on the go. 

Stillness. I choose to embrace the unexpected space. 

So I sit here, on the couch, in the quiet. My Sari Bari blanket in my lap. I’ve read a few chapters in my favorite book, made progress on my hand-embroidery project. Thinking. Dreaming. Trusting. Savoring the moments.

And I resist the urge to fight. Because when I fight, I resist Grace.

I get up earlier than normal to get ready for a photo shoot. Gather everything I need for the day — tutu, props/outfits for the shoot, shoes, snacks, rehearsal clothes, teaching clothes — oh, can’t find my iPod, so throw the computer in there for class music. Finally make it out the door to the car. The car doesn’t start. 

Ok, problem solver: let’s try jumping it. Joshua doesn’t have cables. I go to the leasing office and ask. Nope. Back up to our place. Caleb has cables. Pop the hood. There’s no coolant. Grrr. I just took it in on Friday and told them it was leaking coolant and they said nothing was wrong. Refill the coolant. Jump doesn’t work. Cancel the photo shoot. Call the auto repair shop. They tell me to tow it to the nearest location. Wait on hold for 20 minutes…they’re sending a tow truck. 

Tow truck takes the Jeep away. Caleb graciously lets me use his car for the day. I’m a few minutes late to class and rehearsal. My heel feels like it has a bad stone bruise. Get out of rehearsal and start to make the trek North to teach. I call for an update on the car. He says he’ll talk to his supervisor. Traffic is at a standstill. Apparently someone strapped a suspicious item to the 14th Street bridge. I take an alternate route. Car place calls in the middle of my class of 7yr olds. They want to tow it to another location. Okay. I head back to ATL. My throat hurts. 

Not the greatest day. As much as I really want to I refuse to join the Mopey Monday Club.

Tuesday my heel still hurts. A frog has taken residence in my throat. The car doesn’t get to the other shop until mid afternoon. By the fourth hour of teaching, my voice barely reaches over a whisper. They’re running an overnight test on the car. But I found my iPod! (it was in my bag the whole time).

 “It’s good practice for considering it all joy” I tell myself. But I don't feel like it.

Wednesday, still no voice. The car gets done in time for me to pick up on the way to teach. Thursday I’m congested and fight to focus through the fog of Mucinex brain. But my heel feels better!

~~~ 

I know the circumstances of my crummy week are petty and pale in comparison to most of the heavy issues faced by many. Not going to lie, it’s super hard to choose joy. But there’s grace.  

Grace is Caleb lending his car and riding the bus to school. Grace is being able to get off the highway to take an alternate route (thanks to that usually awkward Howell Mill ramp to I-75 S/Northside Dr. exit). Grace is Daddy talking to the mechanics for you. Grace is students who bear with you when your voice goes AWOL. Grace is cancelled rehearsal when you really need rest. Grace is free car repairs because the issue was on warranty from a previous job. 

Grace is the ability to look at the bright side; to give thanks in all circumstances. Grace is the reason we can consider it all joy. Because He’s brought our dead heart to life and no crummy week can take that away from us. 

May you refuse to join the Mopey Monday Club.

 

Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. ~Pr. 4:25 

Towards the end of last year, a freelance gig fell through and I was slightly ticked at the circumstances. Mommy gently encouraged me: yeah, it might have been nice do the job and though my schedule allowed it, it was just peripheral. It didn't connect to anything else I was working on, it wasn’t on mission or off mission; it was just fluff — so don’t get agitated about it.

I started thinking about the other peripheral things that were taking more energy and brain space than they needed to. I seems get distracted by the peripheral a lot. Most of the time these distractions aren’t bad in themselves but they take my focus off of what’s important. Giving too much attention to the non-essentials keeps me busy but really, it’s just another way of filling a void that only Jesus can satisfy. 

It reminds me of the time Peter walked on water. Scripture says, “Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out “Lord, save me!” (Matt. 14:29,30). The Message version says “…when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink…” Peter took his eyes off Jesus and began to trust His own abilities. “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him “You of little faith,” he said, “Why did you doubt?” (v. 31). Focusing on the surrounding circumstances causes me to take my eyes off Jesus. Then, I start to rely on my own strength and drown in unnecessary stress. 

 

When my family began to choose our words of the year [read about Daddy’s word here], this verse came to mind:

The steadfast of mind, you will keep in perfect peace because He trusts in you. ~Isaiah 26:3

Steadfast — that’s my word. I want to fix the gaze of my heart and mind on Jesus. I want to trust that He will bring to the forefront what needs to be addressed instead of looking for things to address.  

It’s not that I need to be more focused (those of you that know me know that I can be a little too focused at times). Steadfast is different from focused. Steadfast stays the same when circumstances change. Focused changes depending on the circumstances. Steadfast is set on a fixed target. Focused is fixed on a moving target. 

Steadfast has Jesus always at the forefront. Steadfast is anchored in Hope amidst the waves of circumstance. It’s the result of faith tested. A steadfast heart is a grateful heart. Steadfast doesn’t run to fill the void but stays to hear the Voice; it isn’t afraid of being still. Steadfast trusts fearlessly. 

 

Jesus, fix the gaze of our minds and hearts on You. May we choose not be be distracted by the peripheral but trust you to bring what’s important to the forefront. Guard our minds with your perfect peace that we may be joyful in all circumstances. May we be steadfast in the waiting. Steadfast in the working. Steadfast in the stillness. Renew a steadfast spirit within us that we might keep move forward in courageous obedience. Jesus, be the center. 

*Hebrews 6:19, James 1:3, Psalm 12:7, 51:10, 57:7, 119:5