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Wow, what a week, y’all. Between work and COVID-19 I think it’s in the top most event{full} weeks of my life. So many emotions. Surreal even. Concerning the Coronavirus, I’m actually really surprised at where I’ve landed today; a complete 180 from where I began the week. Here’s an attempt at organizing the many thoughts bouncing around the brain.

My initial reaction was frustration. It seems like things are being blown out of proportion and, frankly, I don’t do drama so I wanted everyone to get over it real quick. Like, toilet paper stockpiling? Really y’all? Chill. And what? the studios are closed? No dance for 3 weeks? So am I still going to get paid if you cancel my classes? It’s not quite like I can “work from home”? You should have heard me Thursday and Friday — I was zinging (thanks to Mr. C and Mommy and Daddy for listening to the rants). But then I started to examine my own heart.

I’m learning how much I LOVE my autonomy.
If you know me well, you know that under the right circumstances, I can be a bit of a renegade. And when events started getting cancelled and shows postponed and businesses closed, I started feeling like the reins were being pulled in. When we were younger my parents used to say “if you can’t control yourself, we’ll have to control you” “What? I’m a responsible adult,” I thought, “I can make my own decisions regarding my health and the health of those around me.”

Yes, yes, I can and I’m so grateful to live in the one and only, amazing, beloved United States of America in which I’m allowed to make decisions for myself. But I also want to use that freedom wisely. And am I really trusting the authority I’ve been placed under? Or do I pridefully think I know better than them? I am not saying to blindly follow directions without question but perhaps there is a structure in place for a reason and perhaps they have better information and knowledge than I do.

And then the research began…
I’m no expert and won’t reiterate what others have more eloquently penned but I found these articles to be quite helpful and informative as I tried to come to my own conclusions.

Coronavirus: Why You Must Act Now
Flatten the Curve
Why Outbreaks Spread Exponentially
Update from Concerned Physicians

Social Distancing
I woke up yesterday morning fully intending to attend a wedding shower that evening and church today. Yet, the more I researched, the more I felt convicted to practice social distancing. As a healthy, young, individual who is likely to be nominally affected if infected by the virus, I thought I’d continue to live life fairly normal (apart from cancelled work). Yet, I also interact with children on a regular basis. And though I may not be showing any symptoms, I could very well be a carrier. And as much as I love being the independent woman that I am, the reality is that this could be a life or death situation for someone else. For sure, the FOMO is real and I really don’t want to have to postpone my birthday plans for next weekend but if it helps “flatten the curve,” count me in. Though our days are numbered before we are born, I don’t want to contribute to even one person dying without knowing Jesus. And I don’t want to disqualify myself from being of help if I am needed later down the road. (This article was helpful on this subject)

What about the Church?
Aren’t we called to step in at times like this? Why would we close our doors if this is the time, people need Jesus the most? My social media feed is filled with polarizing views; each “side” criticizing the other. May I suggest a third option? We can be BOTH tangible hope to our worlds while still wisely stewarding our social contact. We can still bring sandwiches to the local ministry who helps feed kids who are without meals because schools are closed. We can still open phone/text conversations with friends and offer the hope of Jesus to those who need to process the whole situation. Yes, some of us may be called to the front lines and we stand behind you in solidarity. Church, yes, let’s rise up to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Let’s steward these opportunities well as we live in unique times.

My prayer is that as people have some forced downtime, and possibly time for their hearts to be quiet from distraction, that they would be drawn to examine Jesus and the many amazing resources online.

I’m also more aware of my own selfishness.
Looking back at the reasons mentioned for my frustration, they all stem from me being inconvenienced. I recognize that I’ve possibly idolized the act of doing things (being that I’ve already made a list of things to do over the next two weeks and plan on scheduling my days to accomplish them).

Maybe I should attempt to just be. Going to try to stay off my phone. More Jesus time. More reading. More writing. More dreaming (haha, that could be dangerous). More just being.

I don’t want to let this season be one of discontentment— let us choose to find the moments for which to be grateful. In the forced isolation, let us not be tempted to fill the noise with distraction but have ears and hearts to hear what God might be whispering.

I am not afraid.
I don’t fear contracting the virus and if I do, I’m hopeful to recover but if I don’t, then I get to see Jesus and what’s better than that? (don’t worry, I’m not going to be stupid and try to hasten my time before it’s appointed).

Yet my heart is heavy for our nation and the world. The way people have reacted to this pandemic shows how much underlying fear is present in our society. What have we become? Where is our trust? Is it in our hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes or is it in an all powerful, all knowing, loving God? Nothing is a surprise to Him.

May we choose worship over worry. Great Healer, we need you— America needs you, the world needs you. Bring peace to our hearts. Bring hope to our outlooks. In our forced quietness, show us the still waters you faithfully lead us by.

Pray, Pray, Pray
President Trump has declared it to be a national day of prayer but don’t let it stop there with us. Let us remember this is very much a spiritual war. The Prince and Power of the air and spiritual forces of darkness are pushing hard for territory right now. We will not stand by idly. Rise up, warriors of Light and Truth!

May we be wise but not act out of fear. May we not be selfish but seek the good of others. May we wash our hands but keep them open in surrender for this life is not ours to control. May we disinfect all the surfaces but not become obsessive for that means our hearts have become distracted. May we wisely live and love boldly and as a result be drawn closer to Jesus in this season. Kyrie Elieson, Lord have mercy.

PS-This article and this article from RZIM were also helpful.

The first “big kid” roller coaster I rode was the Mind Bender at Six Flags (Dahlonega Mine Train doesn’t count). I was so excited to go on “the one with the loops” and talking a big game while we waited in line. But as soon as we got strapped in, a pang of trepidation hit my heart and tears filled my eyes. What was I doing? This was actually kind of scary.

“Do you trust me?” Daddy whispered in my ear. “Yes” I whimpered. I knew Daddy had done this before. I knew that he would never willingly put me in danger (if anything, he would protect me from it). I knew that he would never ask me to do something without reason. He had a proven track record of taking care of me. I took his word without a doubt that the risk was worth the reward. Of course I trusted him.

Needless to say, the next time that little train came back to the loading platform, I was all smiles.

I think God does this with life sometimes. At the beginning of 2017 I asked God for fearless trust in the coming year. No particular reason except that it had a nice ring to it and definitely was something to aspire towards in my faith journey. Little did I know what it would take to practice trusting fearlessly. Over the past year and a half, I’ve found myself in several situations in which I had no control over the outcome — these outcomes had repercussions into the future both financially and relationally.

I was getting strapped into the roller coaster and was easy to start whimpering at the big loops and what-ifs ahead. But God was right there whispering “Do you trust me?” Yes, I trust you, Abba. And the little train pulled out of the loading platform to start ticking up that first hill…

Three years later, I’m not sure it’s come back to the loading platform (it probably won’t until I see Jesus face to face, haha) but I’m choosing to enjoy the ride in the mean time; trusting He’s got it under control and will never fail to put His faithfulness on display.

A few days ago, I began the day filled with gratitude with where God has me in life. Not saying life is easy but it’s full and beautiful.

I’m learning a lot. Getting inspired for some new projects. Expectant for things ahead. Stepping out in a few faith-risks.

But then, after some very normal activities and interactions, my thoughts started spiraling into fear and frustration and I ended the day asking “why?”

I know that God’s plan for my life is way better than I can even imagine, so why do I fear things might not work out in ways I think would make me happy? I know His thoughts are higher than my thoughts so why do I doubt who He’s called me to be? I know He will never leave me nor forsake me so why do I feel lonely and isolated even in the midst of community?

I came home to my dear brother and roommate, Caleb, voicing the inner dialogue running through my mind on the way home. “It’s all in your head,” he said. To which I replied exasperated, “Pastor Caleb, (he has a seminary degree) tell me something else!”

My mom said the same thing, as I was on the phone with her, “Have you been reading that book I gave you?” (referring to Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen) “No” I confessed, “I was trying to finish the other one I’m on first.”

She reminded me of the spiritual war, we find ourselves in. It’s a constant struggle between the flesh and the Spirit. And more often than not, our battles are fought in the mind.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may be able to prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect
~Romans 12:2

When I give in to the merry-go-round of anxious thoughts, am I really trusting God is who He says He is? Or am I praying to myself (as my dad describes worry)? Do I believe God is good or, in my pride, do I feel like He’s withholding a deserved blessing (is there really such a thing)?

…for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ…
~2 Corinthians 10:4-5

I confess I haven’t been great at taking those rogue thoughts captive lately. I confess they’ve led my heart into distraction.

My pastor this morning, preached from Hebrews 12:1-3.

Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…

Fixing our eyes on Jesus. Taking captive every thought. Throwing off the sin that bogs us down.

We’re meant to run this race with endurance. It’s not efficient to carry things we’re meant to give to God. He asks us to cast our anxieties on Him. He cares for us. He is good. We have to remember that fear is a liar. And doubt can be healthy if we allow it to strengthen our faith. But when we let it pull our gaze from the One who calls and sustains us, we end up miserably relying on our own strength.

His grace is sufficient. My pastor reminded us this morning “Jesus does not regret His work in you, and Jesus will not neglect His work in you”

May we rest in that. May we not be spectators in the battle for our minds; for our minds are the gateway to our hearts. May we CHOOSE to believe God is good and working for His glory. The author and perfecter of our faith will never let us down.

…maybe I should go read that book now…

Being the first summer in five years that I haven’t traveled out of the country, I’ve been missing Latin America a little extra these days. 

I *almost* booked a spontaneous trip to Panama for the Panama Ballet Festival. Literally, was so close. 

I feel like I’m sitting in a chair (like those blue ones that go with school desks) and white knuckling the edges forcing myself to stay put.

I’ve been seeing friends leave on their summer adventures and feeling a twinge of —  shall I even admit it? — jealousy. 

So I pray — Because that’s the closest thing to going being able to go myself.

Then I realize— while I’m over here wishing I was somewhere else, I’m missing what’s in front of me. 

God has basically dropped a mission in my lap!

A group of girls eager to study scripture. Students and co-workers who need encouragement. An amazing 18-19 season for Bluebird to prepare for. 

And so, I stay. 

I’m reminded of Psalm 37. 

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness ~Ps. 37:3

 

May we be diligent to steward the moment, not wishing we were somewhere else but seeing the opportunities before us from the perspective of eternity and being obedient to persevere in the Spirit. Teach us to trust and help us remember, Lord.

 

I think I've finally gotten back into my reading groove! Here are my top picks of 2017.

Patched Together  
Brennan Manning
This short little allegory spoke grace and freedom to my heart. 

Dance, Stand, Run
Jess Connolly
Honest. Challenging. Applicable. Encouraging. Timely. Grace. Holiness. Mission. Highly Recommended.

Delighting in the Trinity
Michael Reeves
This book explains the trinity in a way that left me in wonder and awe at our incredible God

Not Yet Married
Marshall Segal 
To be completely honest, I'm burned out on "relationship books;" but this was a refreshing take on the season many of us find ourselves in.

The Artist's Compass 
Rachel S. Moore
A must read for dancers and artists navigating today's fast-paced arts scene. Practical, relatable, and encouraging. 

 

 

Honorable mentions:
Perelandra
Daring to Hope
Passion and Purity
Hastening

Any recommendations for 2018??

Human beings should never be bought and sold yet slavery still exists. In fact, there are more slaves in the world today than at any other time in history — 27million. Bonded labor, forced labor, and human trafficking generate a profit of $150.2 billion a year. This is not ok.  

 

For the past two years, the END IT movement has raised awareness by inviting people to draw a red X on their hand for Shine A Light on Slavery Day. We'll still be repping our red Xs on February 27th but this year, we're going a step further and taking action. We're building teams of freedom fighters to raise money for the END IT movement coalition partners. Let's put our money where our mouth is. 

Click the photo below to join my team and visit enditmovement.com. Together we are a force for good and together we can end slavery in our lifetime. 

You always hear about the classic mean girl trick in the ballet world of finding glass in your pointe shoes and think it will never happen to you. But then someone smashes your car window and steals your dance bag just 10 days after your apartment was broken into 3 times and your computer stolen. And you're left cleaning the glass out of your shoes.

Honestly, I feel violated, slightly frightened, definitely angry (jet skis are good for blowing off steam by the way). I don’t want to brush by that too lightly; feelings are real, raw—and sometimes they reveal what’s deep down in our hearts. It hurts; the tears come easily. Like getting a vaccination. Refining. Pruning. Pain for a purpose. 

In earthly terms, I'll probably never know why. But eternally speaking, I know exactly why–that His grace and glory might be made known. He leads me on paths for His name’s sake.

Something that’s come to the surface: our God is sovereign Protector and sole Provider.

Life's adventure won't always be grand. The road might be bumpy and the rain might not let us move forward a quickly as we like. But in the broken we find the beautiful; the way He sets our feet upon a rock, speaks words of encouragement through the Church, and holds us close when it feels like a whirlpool is sucking us in.

I’m choosing joy because I know it develops perseverance. Brushing myself off and standing back up to fight. Choosing to forgive. Praying for whoever put glass in my shoes and stole my computer—because someone else’s eternity is at stake. 

Jesus, for your name's sake; that your grace and glory might be made known.

~2 Corinthians 4~

June 23 

Read Romans 15:5-13

    How can we “be of the same mind toward one another” and “accept one another as Christ” did? 

     How have you experienced God’s perseverance and encouragement?  

v. 13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

 

Jesus, thank you for fulfilling your promises to us and inviting us into your story. Unify our team with servants’ hearts motivated by your perseverance and encouragement as your love overflows onto those around us. We ask you to prepare the hearts of those we will interact with in Panama, that they might glimpse you and your freedom in a new way. 

 

 

June 27

Read 2 Corinthians 9:6-9 

    What are some reasons we might “sow sparingly?” 

     What has God “purposed in your heart” for this trip? 

 

Be encouraged!

God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it, ‘He throws caution to the winds, giving to the needy in reckless abandon. His right-living, right-giving ways never run out, never wear out. ~2 Cor. 9:8,9 MSG 

 

Thank you Jesus for your astonishing blessings and preparing us for anything and everything. We trust you to equip us to sow abundantly and courageously. We pray for clarity in communication among our team and with those we meet in Panama. You are big enough to transcend any language barriers. Make your name famous!    

 

June 28

Read 2 Corinthians 9:10-15

    Do you always trust Him to provide/equip you for the job He calls you to?

     Are you always aware that your obedience to God affects the worship and prayers of others? 

 

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God. Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone. Meanwhile, moved by the extravagance of God in your lives, they’ll respond by praying for you in passionate intercession for whatever you need. Thank God for this gift, his gift. No language can praise it enough! ~2 Cor. 9:10-15 MSG 

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord for your generous gifts. Thank you for the Church and how we reinforce/inspire each other. May we be aware of your extravagance and and let it motivate our actions as we are courageously obedient. We pray for the students we will be teaching in Panama; raise up a generation of artists creating relevant and redemptive art for the glory of your name. Spark dreams. Reinforce confidence. Inspire creativity.  

 

June 29

Read John 4:34-38

     Do you think you are a sower or a reaper?

     vers 35: “Look” –do we miss the fields that are ripe for harvest sometimes?

 Jesus, thank you for those who have gone before us and prepared what you have called us to harvest. May we be alert to discern the opportunities you’ve called us to step into. We pray specifically for the leadership of Ballet Adorad, Alas de Angel, and La Escuela de Danza Teresa Mann: Paola, Genesis, Maricela, and Myriam. Thank you for their vision and pioneering. Continue to be their strength; as we come alongside them, may we encourage each other. 

 

June 30

Read 1 Corinthians 15:35-58 

        verse 36 death is required for life–discuss in light of Romans 8:13

        verse 43–How can something be sown/planted one way but blossom/harvested another? 

 

Prayer points: thanksgiving for the redeeming power of Christ, we stand firm and remember our work is not in vain, our performances: that Christ’s redemption will be manifest and hearts brought to life

 

July 1

Read Ephesians 6:19-20 and Colossians 4:2-6 

 

What does it mean to pray at all times? How do we stay alert?

 

Why does it take so much courage to share the gospel? 

 

Prayer points: fearlessness, grace{full} conversations, alertness, safe travels, trusting Jesus to go before us

 

 

 

July 3

Read Isaiah 42:6-9 

 

What sticks out to you?

 

 

Do you believe that God wants to use you to bring others into His Kingdom? Why?

 

 

How can we apply this scripture practically in everyday life as well as in Panama? 

 

Prayer points: choosing to stand in the Truth of our calling as we have the courage and discernment to speak Light to the darkness, Instituto Comercial and Panama Christian Academy

 

 

 

July 7

debrief about our time in Chiriqui, share Jesus stories and takeaways

 

Prayer points: trusting Jesus to water the seeds planted and seal the work He performed in hearts, that the students would continue to work on what they learned and be encouraged in the confidence of their identities. 

 

 

July 8 (with Ballet Adorad girls)

Read 1 Thessalonians 5:12-25

 

How can we apply verses 14-22?

 

 

How have you seen verse 24 manifest in your life?  

 

 

Prayer points: thanksgiving for those who “labor among us” and for His faithfulness, Ballet Adorad  

 

 

July 11

Someone share a scripture that’s been on your heart.

 

Prayer points: the workshop and performances tomorrow. 

 

 

July 14 

debrief from whole trip, share Jesus stories and takeaways.

 

Prayer points: Jesus would seal all that He’s done in our hearts as well as those of the Panamanians we interacted with. 

there is a field. 

lush green grass. wildflowers sprinkled all around. 

a huge shade tree to the left. 

I will wear my sundress and run. 

dance. twirl. laugh. giggle. jump.  

barefoot without worrying about stepping on something unpleasant. 

because the grass is soft. cool. cushiony but firm. 

the sun shines bright. warm. happy. kissing my shoulders lightly.

a soft wind blows. caressing my cheeks. gently lifting my hair off my face.

the flowers share my joy.

because I am alive. alive in Jesus. 

He sees me and smiles. I’m alone yet He is here.

my heart swells with gratitude.

because I’m living in His grace. breathing grace. grace{full} 

brilliant green blurs beneath my feet. arms wide. heart abandon. 

everlasting love.

to my right is a mountain. gray and snow capped. strong. solid. courageous.

He is my refuge. I remember the shelter of His wings. how soft the feathers were. 

my strength when I had none. 

hope. comfort. grace. 

the rushing waters roar from a waterfall at the base of the mountain. 

falling into a shimmering lake.

a rainbow dances among the droplets.

His promises are faithful. armor and protection. 

I waltz. spin. skip. my dress swishes.

I am free.

flying. soaring. as if on the wings of eagles.

this is what I was made for.

I am His and He is mine. 

Forever.